Lawyer life
March 23, 2021

What's holding you back?

Have you ever stopped to think about what’s preventing you from achieving your potential? From finding the job of your dreams, to having relationships with people that unconditionally love and support you, and optimising your physical and mental health and financial security?

The truth is: the only thing holding you back is YOU.

Whilst that might sound harsh – it’s easier to blame external circumstances and other people for our failures after all – it’s actually a really good thing. Because it means that you have the power to change it, and you don’t need anyone else to make it happen.

There are lots of ways we self-sabotage – how many can you relate to? If you can recognise any of these in you and deal with them, they’ll be no stopping you!

1.     Comparing ourselves to others 👀

It’s so easy to look at other people and think they have everything figured out and that you’re failing miserably. They look like a model whilst doing the school run, their children are real-life angels and their house looks like something off Grand Designs.

What we see is what they want us to see, and that’s not a criticism. We all choose to present the version of ourselves that we’re most comfortable sharing with the world. But it’s just that, one version of a very complex human being.

Remembering that is really important.  

2.     Negative self-talk 🤐

Do you tell yourself you’re not good enough? Blame yourself for things that were completely out of your control?

As a business owner I make thousands of decisions a day and, when some of those inevitably transpire to be mistakes, I often beat myself up for getting it wrong.

So often we’re our own worst critic, but that negative self-talk is really dangerous. It creates our reality; if we tell ourselves we’re not good enough, eventually we truly believe it. And if we don’t believe in ourselves, we can’t expect anyone else to.

I work hard every day to identify any negative self-talk and stop it. I’m not perfect at it, but the more I practice, the better I get. Somedays I feel stronger than others, and it’s important not to beat yourself for allowing yourself to beat yourself up!

Ultimately, you need to be kind to yourself and treat yourself with love and respect.

3.     Toxic people in your life 🤮

Toxic people manifest themselves in different ways and the first step is to identify these. Being able to recognise toxic people in your life is really important, but not an easy thing to do. If you’re the type of person to negatively self-talk, it’s possible you’re internalising someone else’s issues and adopting them as your own, which can make it much harder to shift responsibility onto them, where it should be.

Once you’ve identified any toxic people in your life, you’ve then got the challenge of dealing with them. This can either take the form of setting boundaries or, if that doesn’t work, you may have to remove them all together.

It’s important to remember that being a part of your life is a privilege, and just because someone is related to you, or has been a part of your life for a long time, doesn’t give them the right to stay there.

You deserve to be surrounded by people that love and support you unconditionally, and you don’t need to settle for anything less than that.

4.     Not having clear goals 🎯

Do you know what you want? And I’m not talking in general terms here – do you have a really clear picture of what you want to achieve in the next 3, 6, 9, 12 months and beyond?

I’m a really goal-driven person. I spend time thinking about my goals, discussing them with those closest to me, writing them down and monitoring them. I have personal goals, business goals and goals that I share with my husband.

It might sound cheesy, but I believe in the power of visualisation. If you can visualise yourself, your life and your business in the future you can take steps to move towards that vision. The clearer the visualisation, the more likely you are to get there.


5.     Lack of self-discipline ⏱

How often do you reach for a chocolate bar instead of an apple? Or talk yourself out of going for a run today? Or buy that expensive designer handbag despite knowing you can’t really afford it?

It takes immense self-discipline to choose long term success over instant gratification. We want to feel good now, and we’ll worry about how we feel in the future when we get there. But these bad decisions are holding us back.

My advice is to stop making impulsive decisions and get yourself into a good routine with good habits. Self-awareness is really important - I always exercise after breakfast because I know I’ll talk myself out of it if I give myself time, and if I have junk food in the house I know I’ll eat it!

It takes time to build good habits but, if you stick with it, I promise you’ll see the benefits.

The truth is: the only thing holding you back is YOU.

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